I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
