Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
