i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
