Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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