I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
