her vagine was all disorganized.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
