I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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