I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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