How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
