you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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