Please, let me fuck your mom
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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