So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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