He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
