In the future we'll all be gay
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
