Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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