hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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