I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
