man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
