Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
