??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
