so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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