dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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