There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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