Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
