so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
