This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
