how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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