hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
