No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
