dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
