New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
