I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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