Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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