Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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