My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
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I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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