Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
