They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
