dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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