Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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