Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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