ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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