life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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