I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
