Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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