I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
