So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
