this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
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I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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