; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i would one night stand the shit outta him
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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