puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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