I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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