pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
