Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
