he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
