Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
