Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So much rum. So many feels.
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