Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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