There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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