ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
