when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
