Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
