Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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