break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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