We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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