In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
